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Girl Behind The Smile
The Girl Behind The Smile
Excuse me miss no not you but the girl behind the smile Who puts up this happy persona while her heart is on trial The girl who’s happiness is snatched every time she grasps it The one who’s internally dying but the doesn’t know because she masked it The girls who heart and trust seems to be slightly fractured Because of the thing the called a boyfriend what a bastard Excuse me miss not you but the girl behind the smile Who wants to set her heart free but doesn’t understand how The girl with beautiful scars who wants to let her pain unfold But can’t cause of the harmful thoughts that her heart holds The girl who’s confidence has been torn down replaced with self hatred and negativity The girl who lost herself over the person she loved stupidity Excuse me miss no not you but the girl behind the smile It’s time for you take a stand right now It’s time for you to learn what you worth It’s time for you to start putting yourself first Get your life together I’m sure you can manage Pick up the pieces of your heart and put on a bandage Excuse me miss no not you but the girl behind the smile I want to help you laugh i know it’s been a while You don’t have a reason to but can you slowly let your guard down I want to be the one who tries to prevent your frown I might not know all the things to do but if you teach me I’ll learn how I really much rather know the girl behind the smile
Untold Stories
No one knows about the pain I with hold simply because the truth remains untold But listen closely as the stories unfold and some of my skeletons get exposed Dear mother we never see eye to eye it’s like we both blind Maybe it’s because my heart still hurts from things I tried to put behind You left me and when I needed you most you forgot to be there Do you think me moving house to house my whole child hood was fair I pleaded shit I even begged for you not to go The damage that did to my heart momma you’ll never know You always say what you sacrificed for me But I didn’t ask for you to have me at 19 I didn’t ask for you to give up on living I didn’t ask for you to slowly slip out of existence But somehow you find a way to make me look bad And over look the things that I really wish I had You promised we would go places you promised we would do things But when you came back nothing even changed Still an empty void that I’m hoping will get better Why I’m still trying to pull the pieces of me together No one knows about the pain I with hold simply because the truth remains untold But listen closely as the stories unfold and some of my skeletons get exposed Dear father you abandoned me but I’m learning to forgive you Cause even the slightest bit of hate just says that I miss you I know I had father figures but it ain’t the same as having you Cause it’s not like doing the things that fathers and sons do You moved away and pushed me out of your existence And this was all before I was able to comprehend it You showed up one day 6 years ago thinking it would make things right But what’s one day to 20 years of my life How could you have failed if you ain’t even try I prayed and cried that you would I can’t even lie I called you hell I even sent you letters and text But I got nothing in return not even a wish for the best But I can’t hate you because you’re where I come from Even though I try not to be I become more and more my fathers son It’s crazy when you want to be nothin like your daddy But you grow up still taking something from your daddy I walked out on some of my responsibilities I guess that was your gift to me Now I see why my mom said I’d grow to be like you Back then I used to cry bout it but now I can’t cause it’s true But I promise to grow and be better than you To be all I can be and to do all I can do I never had you as a dad so I can’t miss you But at the end of the day I forgive you No one knows about the pain I with hold simply because the truth remains untold But listen closely as the stories unfold and some of my skeletons get exposed For so many years I blamed me for not being perfect And all that blame made me look at myself as worthless I blame me for the lost souls for not speaking up and being there Cause all it takes is one voice that the people can hear Should’ve told fox and rob never to smoke cancer sticks Should’ve told lil boobie that after that party to dip Should’ve told Scott never to fight that fight Should’ve told my brother never to sleep that night I should’ve did it and I never even tried maybe if I didn’t then these people would’ve never even died Waking up every morning just wanting to die Going to bed with cheeks stained from the tears that dried Sorry I couldn’t be the perfect kid in your eyes Sorry I’m a fuck up when I did wrong I didn’t even try Sorry for causing you to stop living I’m sorry truly there’s no kidding Sorry I couldn’t please you Sorry for the fact that I needed you Sorry for not having control over what life offered me Sorry I was born and disturb the peace A problem child yeah I won’t grow up to be shit I’m sorry but some things I just can’t fix Plenty of times I tried to leave it just didn’t work The gun jammed the knife only went deep enough to cause hurt The bullets dodged every time I tried to bite it Trapped in internal hell and I’m still tryna fight it Who wants to go on tryna live life like this I can’t do it no more I resign I quit There you have it all my skeletons exposed Welcome to the life I live and the feelings that are never shown
Is there a such thing of brotherly love
Cause it seems every month someone getting took up
Streets filled with bug warm puddles of blood
From shots them young boys took to they mugs
Cause is they from a different side so it’s time to ride
Fuck the fact y’all got the same struggle and are the same inside
Y’all both ain’t shit when you look in the law’s eyes
But yet people want to kill they own kind day an night
What problem is real enough to make a gun come out
It’s like dudes seem to forget what funs about
People can’t go to a party and just enjoy they night
Without worrying about somebody tryna take they life
It’s always a person who ain’t got no name behind a trigger tryna get some fame
Half of them ain’t got no aim and fail to realized that killing a person ain’t no game
You shoot him that man dies
You go to jail 2 moms cry
You done for good two lives over
You’ll be trapped looking over your shoulder
Do you really want to live life like that
If so your way of living is wack
I hide behind a smile and I gift wrap my pain
Open the gift tomorrow just to see if it would change
I say that I’m fine when I know that I’m dying
Times when I want to quit I still keep on trying
They say you judge a person by his progress but then again you don’t really know they process
Some people try their best and try to get right but still they get left
I done been there I done seen both
But the trouble is what i seen most
What seems right ends up wrong and what’s wrong is still wrong
You want to stop and think about it but life still moves on
You want to cry but you know you couldn’t
Some shit happens that you know shouldn’t
But some things are just out of your reach
And that’s somethings parents can’t teach
I was told some wars aren’t worth fighting and some tears aren’t worth crying
So why don’t people see somethings aren’t worth lying there’s no point in trying
Do I try
Do I try
So what do I do I can’t fail I’d I never try
But if I try and fail how do I get by
Drowning in pain and drinking away sorrow
Smoking away life and passing out till tomorrow
That’s not healthy
That’s not healthy
That’s not healthy but don’t judge me if you help me
Can’t understand me till you view things how I see
But what I see is so vividly tainted
The the images projected seem so vividly painted
Painted for me to fall to the to the bottom of my demise
But what happens if I realize real lies and I arise
I arise
I arise
Yes I arise with life I’m alive
But what do I do with the tears I couldn’t cry
What do I do with the questions I wondered why
And what do I do when I’m tryna survive
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